The Rut. The Reflection. The Result.

The Rut. The Reflection. The Result.
Explaining the journey that I traveled on which lead me to my upcoming project: sever threads

"I kept finding myself hitting the same brick walls when it came to certain situations.  I discovered that I had heavy trust issues, I shut down quickly, and found myself fading off into functional depression."

The Rut.

For the last two years I’ve been working on a music project that has pushed me to deal with some challenges within my past.  The idea of this project was brought about after I had found myself in a rut.

I kept finding myself hitting the same brick walls when it came to certain situations.  I discovered that I had heavy trust issues, I shut down quickly, and found myself fading off into functional depression.  Smiling on the outside with my husband and son but torn on the inside with myself.

During this time I wasn’t reading the bible as often as I used to and I wasn’t spending time in prayer with God.  I wasn’t giving my all in the various areas of my life and I had found myself just living.  I had to really push the brakes and surrender my pride and ask God for forgiveness for my lack of focus. 

I realized that a lot of the reoccurring issues were deeper than I thought. Moving forward meant that I had to reflect back on my past and with God ordering my steps, tackle the issues that I never faced.  

"Growing up I always had a fear of abandonment.  I believed that no one wanted me and I didn’t want to get too close to others in the fear that they would leave me too."

The Reflection.

When I was 14 months old my brother, sister and I were placed into foster care due to the neglect of my biological mother, Laura.  She died from an overdose when I was three years old.  We were later adopted, but growing up I dealt with heavy identity issues.  I was depressed, suicidal, and hurting in silence.  

I was told many different stories about my biological mom that painted her as a woman who didn’t love us, so looking in the mirror was difficult being that I felt like I looked just like the woman who didn’t want me.  

Growing up I always had a fear of abandonment.  I believed that no one wanted me and I didn’t want to get too close to others in the fear that they would leave me too.  This is where the trust issues began and negative habits developed from there.  

"Through surrendering my all to God I was able to push through the pain that laid heavy on my heart and because of Him and the experiences that he guided me through, I am the strong individual that I am today."

The Result.


The result of my reflection was the birth of this upcoming music project. This project allows me to mourn my mother, to ask her questions, and to rest in the understanding that no matter what I went through as a child it didn’t break me.  

Through surrendering my all to God I was able to push through the pain that laid heavy on my heart and because of Him and the experiences that he guided me through, I am the strong individual that I am today.  I had to literally give up on my lackadaisical way of dealing with issues and rather Go a.i (All In) in all areas in my life.  

The fear of vulnerability has often held me back in life which left questions unanswered and left unsolved issues to create habits which effected my growth and development. These habits I'd like to call Threads. I'd like to personally invite you to take this musical journey with me as I discovered the only way to detach is to go a.i (All In) and allow God to sever threads.

Stay connected: sever threads project drop date 3/31/17

Thank you for your support!

-a.i (Ai Am Anomaly)

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